Thursday, April 22, 2010
Yellow Rose Bush
Yes...please look at it again. This...is a yellow rose bush. I know it is because it still had a few yellow blooms left when we moved here in 2004. Richard loved them...He's from Texas ya know!
No I am not color blind. Yes this photo is a picture of a beautiful spring bloom of Red Roses taken today...April 2010. Yes it is the same exact bush!
I love this rose bush and look forward to seeing what she will do each spring.
Moving to this almost hundred year old home in the fall of 2004 was very tough on our family. We were leaving a wonderful home, neighbors we loved , a church family that inspired us and Richard had just planted a wonderful garden for my birthday as a surprise. But God called us to another place...in His own way. Through job loss.
The month we moved into our home here I was recovering from a prolonged illness. I actually was released from the hospital the morning we were moving so I could help make sure our belongings got on to the moving van in one piece. Well, two months after moving here I still felt puny even though I should have been recovering. Nausea, fatigue and dehydration sent me to the Doc. again. Well I was not getting better...or worse...I was simply expecting our fifth child!!!
The kids were excited, Richard was down right giggly and I was a bit in shock.
A couple months went by and we had plans to go to New Mexico to snow-ski for Christmas.
So still fighting some morning, okay...all day long sickness, we started the drive from Oklahoma to New Mexico.
What beautiful country! We landed in Santa Fe for a night...or so we thought.
As we were checking into our rooms for the evening, I began to feel very weak. I went to bed to rest while our extended family and my crew went to find a good meal.
During the night, I began having some complications and Richard took me to the hospital not too far from our hotel.
I was certain I was a little dehydrated and would be getting some go juice I V style and then be on our way.
As we waited for the second of three Doctors to come check on the baby and myself, Richard and I sat in silence...with an occasional smile. You know the one...the "I'm scared are you but I love you smile".
After an ultrasound we were led back to a room and a precious Doctor with a broken heart told us our little Jesse Lee did not have a heart beat any longer. My body had not recovered enough from my illness to support this child.
He told us to go home (to the hotel) and within a few days I would probably miscarry.
The numbness is so all encompassing. The grief instant. The sadness LOUD. The hope...still there. "Maybe they are wrong!" I said several times to Richard.
"I'm so sorry" and "What did I do?" were about the only things I could say for the next few hours. I could not eat...the only thing I could taste were my salty tears.
And the next day, Dec. 23, 2004,when Richard had gone to get the children some food... in that hotel with my daughter near me, I did lose our preborn child.
I never totally understood in 2 Samuel chapter 12 King David's behavior when his child was born and then died...until we lost this child.
We struggle sometimes with when to mourn and when to go on with life. For reasons Richard or I will never know fully on this side of heaven we did not get to see this baby live. But we had four beautiful, healthy children...full of life... next door in another room...waiting to see how we would handle our loss.
We packed up the vehicles and drove on to Red River. What beauty we experienced on that drive that day. The beauty of love inside the car and the beauty of the new powder of snow that had just fallen on the mountain.
We spent Christmas Eve with my mom and dad in a beautiful spot at the foot of the slopes and we ALL...went snow skiing Christmas morning. My thoughts were with my living children that day, even though my heart was on things of heaven.
The next morning while we were preparing to go back on the slope...the news of the Tsunami of Dec. 26, 2004 filled the quiet of our mountain loft. How quickly the thoughts of our small area of sadness on this planet were put into perspective.
One day friends, one day and very soon...no more loss...no more.
I have a hope...Do you? One day I will, by God's grace and His promise, meet my child in heaven.
I hope you're there so I may introduce you.
One day we will not cry over the morning news and the loss of our fellow man.
One day we will have the chance to worship the King....in person.
Do you know Jesus? I'd like you to meet Him...on the pages of scripture. Best book I've ever read...and still study.
So why, you ask, did I call this story Yellow Rose Bush? That Yellow rose bush died in winter of 2004. We cut it back almost to the ground and thought when spring came around we would dig it up and plant something else.
Well, sporting events, PTA, work, Church, life in general...we forgot to dig it up.
It just stayed dead near the porch.
In the spring of 2007 after not a thought about that bush...I was cleaning around the yard waiting for one of my college kids to come home for break. I ran out briefly to the store for... well who knows for what... something garden related, and as I pulled into the driveway...along the side of my house climbing up the porch...was this yellow rose bush....only now there were 5 RED ROSE BLOOMS open and many buds waiting to spring open.
I was numb. Again, I said yellow rose bush...red roses. Okay, yes my daughter happened to be in a botany class at the time and yes I know it is possible for a plant to take on the nutritional elements in the soil and change if it has been part of a graft...You and Carl Sagan can go discuss the science of this...
I DON'T Care! That beautiful moment of seeing the life in that plant with the deeply rich color of crimson with only 5 blooms...was for me...a God moment reminding me of my 5 children. Life is eternal.
I will always love that Yellow Rose Bush for what it has become...not what it used to be.
I hope God sees me that way too.