HOW MANY......? ONE....One body, One Spirit, One Hope

Sorry I have not been posting but I had to be gone the last few weekends. Had an awesome time speaking at the Salvation Army Women's Conference. Thank you for inviting me.

I've missed hearing from you and sharing...but my brain hurts and I think this serious list is inspirational enough...
So, in the spirit of Ephesians 4 We are called to be:

One body, one spirit, one hope.....for the sake of unity in the body of Christ I thought I'd post this serious look at denominational differences. I mean to offend no one...but I'm sure someone will not have taken there funny pill. So send all emails to complain to: lightenup@getagrip.com
and giggle a little...Have a great Holy week!

Just Thinkin',

Kathy



1. How many Charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

2. How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. God has predestined when the light will be on. Calvinists do not change light bulbs. They simply read the instructions and pray the light bulb will be one that has been chosen to be changed.

3. How many Armenians does it take to change a light bulb?

All. They need everyone to make sure it stays on. One can never really be sure.

4. How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?

Change???

5. How many neo-orthodox does it take to change a bulb?

No one knows. They can't tell the difference between light and dark.

6. How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.

7. How many independent fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, because any more might result in too much cooperation.

8. How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?

At least ten, as they need to hold a debate on whether or not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the light bulb, they still might not change it, to keep from alienating those who might use other forms of light.

9. How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They always use candles.

10. How many worship leaders who use guitars does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But soon all those around can warm up to its glowing.

11. How many members of an established fundamental Bible teaching church that is over 20 years old does it take to change a light bulb?

One to actually change the bulb, and nine to say how much they liked the old one.

12. How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?

This statement was issued: "We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb (or light source, or non-dark resource), and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted-all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence. "

13. How many Amish does it take to change a light bulb?

"What's a light bulb?"

14. How many youth pastors does it take to change a light bulb?

Youth pastors aren't around long enough for a light bulb to burn out.

15. How many Southern Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?

109. Seven on the Light Bulb Task Force Subcommittee, who report to the 12 on the Light Bulb Task Force, appointed by the 15 on the Trustee Board. Their recommendation is reviewed by the Finance Committee Executive of 5, who place it on the agenda of the 18 member Finance Committee. If they approve, they bring a motion to the 27 member church Board, who appoint another 12 member review committee. If they recommend that the Church Board proceed, a resolution is brought to the Congregational Business Meeting. They appoint another 8 member review committee. If their report to the next Congregational Business Meeting supports the changing of a light bulb, and the Congregation votes in favor, the responsibility to carry out the light bulb change is passed on to the Trustee Board, who in turn appoint a 7 member committee to find the best price in new light bulbs. Their recommendation of which Hardware Store has the best buy must then be reviewed by the 23 member Ethics Committee to make certain that this hardware store has no connection to Disneyland. They report back to the Trustee Board who, then commissions the Trustee in charge of the Janitor to ask him to make the change. By then the janitor discovers that one more light bulb has burned out.

-Author unknown

TOILET PAPER...AND BUBBLE WRAP

Okay...Oklahoma forecast...you are not cooperating with my brilliant spring cleaning plan. House to myself: Check... kids are away with unnamed child's pickup truck at my disposal makes for a mom's cleaning dream!!! Salvation Army and landfill here I come! Or will I...Mr. Weather Man?

So, I was thinking today how quickly our moods can go from gratitude to grumbling if a slight change or disappointment shows up in our lives. Gratitude must not be conditional.

As Christians, do we quickly forget to give thanks for the complete sovereignty of God in our life... when a storm begins to brew?

My goal this week is to work on being grateful. I don't want to have a fickle heart toward God.

Will you join me this week in Praising God even if a cloud rolls in? Tell HIM what you're thankful for...then tell others...post it on here or on your own fb page.

For me so far today....Toilet paper and bubble wrap....both make my life so much easier!


1 Chronicles 16:8 Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done.

1 Chronicles 29:13
Now, our God, we give you thanks, and praise your glorious name.

Just thinkin',

Kathy

Make Yourself At Home....

WARNING and DISCLAIMER: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS POST. HOWEVER...MANY RUN-ON SENTENCES AND RANDOM THOUGHTS WERE ABUSED.
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Okay...so my friend Tracy is a Professional Organizer. Having a friend that made a living noticing clutter did not bother me when I lived the fairy tale existence of 3.2 kids, a house with a 3 car garage allowing for plenty of storage and a big enough walk-in closet in the master bedroom to store a small elephant along with any unexplained piles-O-clutter if she dropped by. But since our wonderful journey post 9/11 to a smaller much more charming (okay old) house-- I can't find enough energy, time, space or desire to get a thought organized much less the whole house. So we...adjust, to put it mildly.

I use to be the one between the two of us (Miss Tracy and I) that was the scrub it 'til it shines and scrub again freak and Tracy was the messy one who thought the top of the microwave was just an extra flat "workspace" for storing junk mail, Wal-Mart flyer's and empty wrappers that did not make it to the trash can on the first toss. Somewhere along the way we switched roles. So, as she has become the guru to National level home relocations she has also become quite the expert on all things organized. So, I am fondly thinking of her tonight and wishing she was closer to help me return to my former wonderful-organized self.
Why tonight?
 Well, as I step over the doggy vomit to get to the last roll of paper towels stuck behind the kitchen bar stool right next to an old copy of The Chronicles of Narnia and a pack of double A batteries, which ironically are used to power the Swiffer WET JET (and the nose trimmer) and I'm thinking I could use her advice ...
I will try to explain.

But first...is the anti-bacterial 409 in the kitchen or the bathroom?

The timing of this is too weird. I just saw a commercial for Hoarders or some such show and really don't ever want to fall into that category. I think I NEED TRACY! Not yet Hoarders, just some organizing pep talks. I know how to organize and I love to clean house most of the time...
I am still the one that must scrub you know...I'm not a hoarder...just can't find enough closet or pantry space. I just need a cheerleader right now.Oh, and I am not a hoarder. Did I say that yet?

ANYWAY, this reminds me how that little dog came to live in our home in 2001 right after they flew two planes through the Trade Centers and somehow landed in our living room in Oklahoma (metaphorically) forcing my husband's company to layoff aircraft workers. Rich brought home little Shadow I thought as a distraction for the kids. Rich is a very positive and optimistic person and a puppy seemed like a bit of hope. You know, if dad isn't worried about feeding another critter we shouldn't be either.
Shadow is quite the fortunate little dog. You see this is not the first "reversal of dinner" experience from this pup in our house. In fact I am a bit worried that we need to venture to the vet to find out if this is just a Schipperke (Belgian Boat Dog) tummy trait or if indeed little Shadow has a more serious medical problem.

So, Why is Shadow fortunate? Because again I am a bona fide, lysol packin', bleach lovin', scrub 'til you see your reflection kinda gal. Not the "put up with puking puppy" kinda' gal. Just the fact he is still here makes him fortunate.
So, as I am letting the 409 soak in I am reminding myself, he is part of the family. Although I was not forced to take an oath that included the words "in sickness and in health" when my husband brought the puppy home, I do believe pet ownership is to be considered a serious commitment. I was informed of this fact about six years ago by "child to remain nameless number four" that Shadow is part of the family. Sounds like a speech the parent should give the child, right?

Well, you see, our two oldest children (unnamed child one and two) were adjusting to a new town and a new high school. I had been homeschooling our two youngest children after moving to aforementioned new town. We decided that child number three who was now a pre-teen might enjoy getting to know some of the kids at the local Christian school. So I would deliver child number three to School, take home school child number four out to breakfast or the park, then return home to start school. One day we returned home to find that Shadow the wonder dog had blocked the entry to our house with a little...well...present on the step. Seems someone forgot to tell Shadow we moved off of the 3 acre spread which was his outdoor potty. We now lived in a house on a city lot with a patch of grass about the size of a pitcher's mound.
Confusion on where to "DO" his business at this new location set in and the back porch seemed just as good a place as any, apparently! ARRRRRG@*!!!!(Pirate Face).

Along with Shadow's new hobby of crawling under the gate and running around the neighbor hood with all the other delinquent pups, the poop on the porch thing made me snap...I had had it! Or at least I had HAD IT ON MY SHOE...for the last time. This dog was exhausting me. Too much work for one pup.
I woke up the next day with resolve and no mixed emotions...wandering little disoriented pooper-puppy had to go!
I started the normal daily routine: Breakfast for child number three:check, showers:check, teeth brushed:check, armpits deodorized:well who knows, but after the lunch was packed and backpack ready I loaded the kids as usual into the aging Suburban with the addition on this day of Shadow on his leash.
I took child number three to school. Before the youngest and I went to get a bite to eat, I swung the Burb around and headed to the humane society. Well, Mr. unnamed child number four had just been his usual cheerful self with the addition of a giggle or two as he talked to Shadow as we drove. As we pulled into the humane shelter, my son noticed other puppies outside and asked if we were going to play with them. I said no, we were taking Shadow to play with them. This seemed fine with the little guy until...he asked,"When will we be back to get Shadow? Today or Tomorrow?". Well, never having been one to lie to my children, okay there's that whole Santa Claus thingy, I told him Shadow needed a home that had more room for him to run like our other house had and that he would not be coming home with us again. Suddenly and without warning...my son's face turned from sweet little guy to the distant cousin of that Gadarene demoniac dude Mark wrote about in the Bible! Out came a blood curdling, "Nooooooooooooooooo-----(breath)-ooooooooooooooooo!!!" My son's feet hit the door with the power of a bulldozer and he blocked me from getting to Shadow. He then proceeded through buckets of tears and in the loudest, yet sweetest little cry to say, "Mommy...SHADOW IS FAMILY! I MAKE MESSES and DON'T LISTEN SOMETIMES...WHEN I AM OLDER IF I DO SOMETHING BAD ARE YOU GONNA GIVE ME AWAY TOO?" OUCH!!!! Well, after removing the word shaped dagger from my heart, I got back into the drivers seat and cried all the way home.

For the rest of the day Shadow and "little man" were not far out of each other's sight. Once and a while I would hear the voice of a 6 year old speaking to a puppy and breathing that cry recovery breath that we all do after a big round of waterworks. You know the one that goes....ah-ha-ah-aaaa-haaa-HUH-HUH-HUH-AAAAA...an so on!
So, as I must now finish cleaning up the lovely left overs on my carpet runner, I will try to remember, that Shadow is part of the family and I need to learn to forgive and protect him as such.


Hmmmmm...I am suddenly grateful not to be hammered by my heavenly Father every time, as my son said, "I make messes and don't listen sometimes!". I am glad He loves me, and has forgiven me and allows me to continue to walk with Him and be part of the family of God.

You'll be happy to know that after I fell two years ago and completely tore everything possible in my ankle, I could not make it down the back stairs everyday to feed and water and take care of Shadow. So, on October 15, 2008...Shadow the wonder dog became an indoor dog. He was instantly housebroken, I believe as a gift from God, and besides the little stomach upset from time to time is a great dog...I mean...family member.

Just Thinkin',

Kathy

Tracy Axcell is the Founder of Officially Organized, LLC. (link listed on Cool sites on this blog)

All stories property of A GENTLE ANSWER MINISTRIES 2010-2013.

First Grade Wisdom.....

Again with the funny Kids....Some of them are better than the original Proverb (not biblical proverbs).

First Grade Proverbs
A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave
each kid in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come
up with the rest. These are great:

*As You Shall Make Your Bed So Shall You... Mess It Up.
*Better Be Safe Than... Punch A 5th Grader.
*Strike While The... Bug Is Close.
*It's Always Darkest Before... Daylight Savings Time.
*Never Under Estimate The Power Of... Termites.
*You Can Lead A Horse To Water But.. How?
*Don't Bite The Hand That... Looks Dirty.
*No News Is... Impossible.
*A Miss Is As Good As A... Mr.
*You Can't Teach An Old Dog New... Math.
*If You Lie Down With The Dogs, You'll... Stink In The Morning.
*Love All, Trust.. Me
*The Pen Is Mightier Than The... Pigs.
*An Idle Mind Is... The Best Way To Relax.
*Where There's Smoke, There's... Pollution.
*Happy The Bride Who... Gets All The Presents!
*A Penny Saved Is... Not Much.
*Two's Company, Three's... The Musketeers.
*Don't Put Off Tomorrow What... You Put On To Go To Bed.
*Laugh And The Whole World Laughs With You, Cry And... You Have
To Blow Your Nose.
*None Are So Blind As... Helen Keller.
*Children Should Be Seen And Not... Spanked Or Grounded.
*If At First You Don't Succeed... Get New Batteries.
*You Get Out Of Something What You... See Pictured On The Box.
*When The Blind Leadeth The Blind... Get Out Of The Way.
*There Is No Fool Like... Aunt Eddie.

Well then...Some of their advice actually makes sense.


The book of Proverbs in the Bible is an awesome place to hang out for some real, practical wisdom.
There are 31 Chapters in the book and it makes a great Daily Devotional or Family Devotions topic since you can take a look a one each day of the month. I hope you get a chance to check it out.

Just Thinkin',

Kathy

How Well Do You Know Scripture?

Well...We promised to write on the lighter side next time so here goes...

I thought you might enjoy these true insights from elementary age school children.
But first the question is:

HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW SCRIPTURE?

We only know what the bible says if we read it, chew on it and read again.
How are you doing compared to these young ones? I know I will never learn enough...so I better get busy reading! I think my favorite is number twelve since I am a mother of 4! Hope you enjoy the start of a new week, and enjoy this post.

Just Thinkin',

Kathy

Kids were asked questions about the Old & New Testaments. The following statements about the Bible were written by the children. they have not been retouched or corrected(i.e.incorrect spelling has been left in.)

1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of
creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's
wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on in pears.

3. Lot 's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by
night.

4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.

5. Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.

7. Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea , where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients,

8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten amendments.

9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

10. the seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

11. Moses died before he ever reaches Canada . Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

13. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

14. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

15. When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, the found Jesus in the manager.

17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.

19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, a man doth not live by sweat alone.

20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.

22. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.

23. One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.

24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.

25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

FORGIVENESS...

"To carry a grudge is like being stung to death by one bee."~ William H. Walton

Okay then. Which one of you has NEVER been hurt or offended by another human being?
Whoever answered that positively, may now step into your little phone booth, put on the cape and fly back to "Spiritual" Krypton because...well...you ain't human!!!! (My College English professor just did a spit-take I'm sure).

Now that all of us left here on this little post are only the previously offended, let's think together:

1) Right now you can close your eyes and think of the one person that you need to forgive the most (sorry...we all can think of someone)
2) Right now you can close your eyes and think of the one person that needs to forgive YOU the most (again...sorry but YOU and I have hurt or offended also and I know my name probably came to one of your minds~~I KNOW CERTAINLY AT LEAST ONE) OUCH!!!!!
3) Right now you can close your eyes and picture the ONE person that you know...took care of all this on the cross over 2000 years ago!!!!!

Our words, our thoughts, our actions and inaction towards others must be considered in view of the Cross. In light of what Christ has forgiven in our lives, do we have the right to hold a grudge? For anything?
Forgiveness is this amazing gift that is key shaped. It opens prison cells...your prison of hurt and those you have held captive in the cell of bitterness and unforgiveness.

Its funny how you can just see someones name on facebook, the school paper, an office memo or even in a church bulletin and you are swept back to an old hurt or offense. Let them go. Free yourself!

I am having to work on this tonight after realizing I had held a very quiet but real grudge against someone after years of a single episode that was disappointing and hurtful. Tonight, I am asking Jesus to bring to my mind the many things I have been forgiven that I may then have the grace to extend that measure of forgiveness to someone else. Do you have a someone else?

We have had our children hold hands and quietly talk through an argument when they were younger and just learning to handle conflict. Asking for forgiveness was always more productive than just "making" them say sorry. You know, it is really difficult to be angry and pray for someone at the same time. Maybe you can't hold hands and ask forgiveness, maybe you will never in this life even see the ones that came to your mind in our little pop quiz; but you can tell God and He can offer you the forgiveness that will set you free.
Once you receive His forgiveness, how much easier it is to extend it to others.
C.S. Lewis wrote, "To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you."
I wish you the freedom that comes with being able to bless in prayer those who have let you down.
Pretending the offense never happened or stuffing your feelings won't make it go away. We must confess this for what it is...Sin, in the form of bitterness.

Proverbs 27:13 Those who conceal their sins do not prosper, but those who confess and renounce them find mercy.

Pray for me as, ironically, my next speaking event is themed over forgiveness. WOW...when God wants to get your attention sometimes He smacks you right in the nose with your own ISSUES!
Well,
I've got to go to the woodshed now...Yes I know...My next post needs to be back on the funny, sunny side of life...but this is what was on my heart.

Just Thinkin',

Kathy