Saturday, September 10, 2011

DEAR JASON:The Quarter Horse and The White Horse




Dear Jason, - Shortly after 9:00 am 9/11/2001

My sweet little child... We dropped your brother off at school and made our way to your favorite place; the grocery store. Near the exit there is a “Quarter Horse”. You love to be on your sweet behavior in order to ride that pale pony before we leave the store. Today, for some reason, I put you up on the horse before we shopped. The delight on your face as the music started and the pony raised up on his hind legs was priceless. I wanted to capture that memory forever. But not like this. As you rode, I kept my hand on your back. You are only 3 years old, after all, and need to be helped as you explore your world. We love this horse because it lasts longer than the one at the drug store. As you rode, I looked up and wondered what movie was showing on the television mounted up high in the customer service box. I stared. I was taken by the realistic way the movie was being shot. The smoke looked so real. The commentary seemed authentic. And as you smiled and galloped on that grocery store quarter horse…I watched a plane fly into a building next to the one on fire on the television. I saw the local Tulsa television news affiliates logo flash on the screen. My heart sank. I was watching someone who has never seen you smile, crash a plane into our lives; into the lives of mommies and daddies of children far away from our little happy section of the country. How will I ever explain this to you? How will it ever make sense that there is this kind of hate in our world…the world in which your father and I are raising you? If the men flying those planes had met us…had heard your giggle as the horse started to gallop, would they still hate you? I have learned, probably, yes they would still hate. I will have to explain to you a world that teaches hate to its children, teaches grown men to fly planes into buildings. And yet, Dear Jason, how will I teach you to love and to forgive this kind of cruelty? My God calls us to forgive. My God calls us to love. My God calls us…but for now we have to leave the store...overhead in the parking lot there are many, many planes circling the skies over our city near the Tulsa airport. We must get home.

Broken hearted,
Mommy



Dear Jason, 9/11/2001

We have been home from the store for nearly 3 hours and I could not put you down. You fell asleep in my arms and I have been standing…rocking you back and forth watching the horrific things that are happening so far away from us here in Oklahoma, yet so near to our lives.
People have asked the question “Why is God allowing this to happen” all morning and now into the afternoon. I will tell you exactly why…you will ask someday…I will say with certainty….I have no idea. May God, the creator of the universe, maker of all that has been made, incline His ear to us as we ask Him for answers, AMEN.
Numb,
Your mother


Dear Jason, My Birthday, Sept. 18, 2001

A week ago those planes killed thousands of people. No...hate bred in men killed those people. Today, when we got home from dropping your brothers and sister off at school, dad’s truck was home. He is never home at 9:15 in the morning. It is my birthday so I thought he might be home to surprise me. There are roses on the dinning room table for me! Your father is a good and thoughtful man. Your daddy is home because…this morning…he lost his job. He builds airplanes. No one wants to fly right now. The country is afraid. I continue to want to ask why, but have decided to praise God and ask what is next instead. I am scared. I know in your life you will face fear. I know you don’t have to face it alone. We will continue to tell you of one who will always be with you. The master of the universe is still on the throne. He will keep us. Someday, I pray you know the love of His Son, Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. One day, HE will return…it will NOT be on a Grocery Store Quarter Horse. He will ride into battle on a White Horse and He will conquer evil once and for all. He promises us no more tears, no more death, no more sin….no more hate-filled men in planes… Oh, Dear Jason, He Loves us so………I think we shall go ride the Quarter Pony today.

Hopefully,
Mom


Dear Jason, Sept. 10, 2011

Tomorrow is the tenth anniversary of 9/11. You are 13. You have grown into a smart, funny, serious, quick young man who knows the love and promise of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. We have since Sept. 2011 suffered only in the worlds eyes. We have lost all of our savings. Your college money we had before you were even 3 is now gone. Our world is spinning on a new economic axis since you were three. We are moving from the home you love, the friends you cherish, the church family that has supported us in prayer, very soon. I have been sick for many of the years that you can remember. Yet, our family is stronger than we were before 9/11. I still don’t understand most of the reasons for this happening. I simply trust God, and believe his promises to those who love Him; promises that you now have read and accepted for yourself. Praise the Lord this day, Dear Jason, for the evidence of God’s love to those who saw miracles on that day 10 years ago. Those who did not make it into work because of a flat tire, a spilled cup of coffee, a missed appointment, an alarm that did not go off. Praise God, my precious child, that you love and serve a God who knows every hair on every head of every child right now…sitting on a quarter -horse at the grocery store. Bad things will continue to happen in a fallen world. God, however, is good ALL THE TIME, according to scripture. He does not do things the way I would choose…but I do choose to trust Him and hope you continue to do so too and I pray you continue to grow in strength, truth, and in the light of the Living God who is all powerful, all knowing, and ever present. In the meantime, keep giggling, keep praising, keep your eyes on HIM and the truth found in scripture, and soon…we will see HIM face to face.

I love you son...you still make me smile as I watch you find your way in this world.

Your Mother…Kathy Lonsinger…Joint Heir (as are you now) with Christ who is "Faithful and True" ….AMEN.

English Standard Version Revelation 22:6
And he said to me, “These words are trustworthy and true. And the Lord, the God of the spirits of the prophets, has sent his angel to show his servants what must soon take place
.”


English Standard Version Revelation 19:11
Then I saw heaven opened, and behold, a white horse! The one sitting on it is called Faithful and True, and in righteousness he judges and makes war.


7 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is very touching and beautifully written. Thanks for sharing Kathy.
Blessings, Fatima

Hatfield said...

As Fatima put it, this is VERY excellently written.

I would respectfully point out a minor typographical error:

Look at all your dates in your writing. You've written them ALL with the year as 2011, even though much of it should be 2001.

Kathy said...

Thank you dear friend...I will go correct them...I pulled the file to copy and dated today....You are awesome.
Kat

Francine said...

Very beautiful & to be cherished forever. Especially as a mom, and after watching Flight 93 last night, the pain, the sense of loss I feel is overwhelming. How then does the mom who spoke to her child on the plane continue to go on? The spouses of those who called home? Dear God, heal our hearts, turn us TO you. Amen

Cindy said...

Kathy, thank you for sharing such a poignant story that is so personal yet still sums up the thoughts and feelings of so many.

Kathy said...

Dearest Francine, I join you in that prayer. Thank you for your insight.
KL

Kathy said...

Thank you Cindy, my dear friend It was my Hope in sharing what Our family experienced that we might encourage others. Not everyone lost a loved one that day, but we all lost a degree of our security. I wanted Jason to know Richard and I chose to trust God. There were days I did not!!! There will always be why questions BUT we know the WHO...ONE DAY SOON...

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