Saturday, November 22, 2014
It's that time of year again. You know, the start of cooking with more butter and sugar and all things holiday/pumpkin/spice related. We might come out of the sugar coma from October just in time for a tryptophan nap in November, round the curve into December and fudge, brittle, cookie and pie our way into the New Year. But not this time...not me...so...once again...
You have made me feel bad for the last time, well...til Christmas Cookies with Butter cream frosting anyway!
We have been through a lot together. The moments with "Alfredo", the gravies, the pie crusts! I remember the tender pats when no one was looking; mostly on my baked potato!
I often had to clarify my love for you to others...no wait...I clarified you...my bad.
Alas, I did love the way you melted when ever I came around (the stove)...but you must have known...I was just using you, to make myself feel better...well, and my cookies taste fabulous.
I know this is hard to understand...like you are when I put you in the freezer...so I must allow you to set out for awhile ..to soften ...this news!!! Here it is: You kind of...well...make me fat!!! So, I have to draw the line. I am breaking up with you.
I'm seeing a therapist who thinks you are bad for me....okay, so really...I watched "The Biggest Loser" and they want you out of my life.
I must "omit" (if desired) all connections to you...don't send your cousin from Land O Lakes or Miss Margarine to try and butter me up to let you back in. Maybe someday...(I hope it is by Christmas) we can just be casual friends. I will be able to look at you with out being "rendered" speechless. Please, please know...It didn't matter if you were salted or unsalted...you added flavor to our time together. You were often more "cultured" than your neighbor Olive, Olive Oil, but spending time around her makes me think...I can do better for myself with less of you. There will be days when I am crying over the stove thinking, "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter"...but this too shall pass.
So, Dear...Dear Butter,
I will miss you...but mostly just the way you made sugar into toffee!!!
So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
P.S. Paula Dean can have you now!!! I know you have been seeing her behind my back!