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Saturday, January 9, 2010


Today the sun is shining and it is 4 degrees outside. I am in Wichita Kansas writing on a strange computer I am not familiar with trying to make sense of PAIN!

"Mom...why is God letting this happen?" my son asked me through tears he was trying to hold back.
Yesterday, January 8, 2010, we had just finished one of the last rehabilitation sessions my husband would undergo for his recent knee replacement surgery. The rehab center is in Wichita, Kansas which is a couple hours drive north from our home. The frozen Arctic tundra known as Oklahoma and Kansas has been experiencing below 0 wind chills and temperatures with only one digit. So we decided to spend the night here in Wichita and not risk a night drive in this weather.

We left the rehab center and made our way to a local restaurant for a quick bite to eat before spending the night with Richard's sister Betty here in Kansas. Our 17 year old son came with us on this visit. It is exciting to have one of our kids all by them self from time to time and we were enjoying our time together with Betty, my son, Chips and Salsa. That is until...he quietly sent me a text (yes we were sitting across the table from one another)that read:

"I'm seeing yellow spots everywhere and I don't feel so well!". He did not want to interrupt our conversation about hope and healing and a new start during our meal with complaints about feeling poorly.
We finished our meal and our son rode back to Betty's house in her car and Richard and I followed. By the time we got to Betty's home, he had a headache, dizziness and now nausea. Within a few minutes he was expressing the worst pain he has ever felt in his life. This is a kid that has had several surgeries. The most recent was last year for a torn ACL in his knee. So knowing he rarely complains during times of pain or illness, I was alarmed to hear him say, "Worst pain I have ever felt...Please help me!". We followed all the usual steps to try and evaluate what was happening and concluded he indeed was having a classic migraine headache that was off the charts. For the next several hours he dealt with this intense and growing pain and sensitivity to light and sound. The medicine provided did not seem to help but made him feel more sick to his stomach. Of course this happens on a Friday night in a town away from our own family doctor and it is -2 degrees outside. I called the local hospital ER and the Doctor advised us to bring him in if the migraine medicine did not kick in within the hour. During this hour, Joshua only spoke quietly and when necessary. We could hear him whisper pleas for help, prayers, sighs and then...he asked that question...the one we all ask from time to time when something unbearable happens in our lives or our loved ones lives, "WHY is GOD letting this happen?"

It's funny how I trust the Lord and believe in His power and mercy and strength and I believe He has a plan and yet, I too have times when I ask that question. Maybe not audibly as my son did but my spirit pleads to the LORD..."WHY ARE YOU LETTING THIS HAPPEN?".

All I can come up with at this moment is that I do trust God. I hate not being able to help my children when nights like last night arrive. I don't want to face any more suffering in this world. Not mine, not my children's, not any one else's. But I trust GOD! And one day because I believe in the promises found in scripture there will be no more pain.
Until then, I believe God can use our pain to strengthen. "I don't want to be stronger if this is just to make me stronger", I've said. But God has a reason to allow pain. His ways are not my ways nor are His thoughts like mine. But I trust Him.

Betty's husband Gary went home to be with the Lord in March of 2007. He fought a painful and extended battle for years with a degenerative bone disease. He battled with pain and surgery after surgery and eventually was home bound with his illness. From time to time an ambulance had to be called to get Gary to the hospital for immediate care. Each time people observed this believer in Jesus Christ through the broken voice of his pain say to an ER worker, nurse,physician or EMT, " you believe in Jesus?",and the witnessing would begin. Right through the pain, right through the suffering, Gary never gave up trusting God. This man ministered up to the very last week of his life to other people that were helping him address the issue of pain and suffering. Gary's daughter, Shauna recalls the question he once asked, "Are you saved?" to three ambulance attendants. Two of the young men responded, "Yes sir I am". One man said,"Well sir...I'm thinkin' about it" to which Gary said, "Son, you don't have a lot of time here, what's to think about?".

The world will always have pain. So why doesn't God heal the children with migraines, the Garys and the Jonis of the world? Can you imagine a world without Joni Eareckson Tada? A gifted artist, and speaker who has ministered to broken and hurting people for years from the confines of her wheelchair? Joni was paralyzed after a diving accident as a young woman. God may not have healed her body but her spirit is whole and complete because it is bound to Christ's.
If there was no hope of a future in heaven, the question my son asked me last night would be asked in vain. But because we know this is just a temporary place, we can live through pain and suffering with a courage and strength found only through our faith in Jesus Christ.

I hope you know Him.

Well, the medicine eventually allowed my son to rest and it is morning and God's mercies are new every morning. He is feeling much better and is thankful to have gotten through the night without venturing to the hospital. Today we will rest and try to remember our hope is not found here on Earth and we will try to live today in a way that pleases the LORD.

Thank YOU Father that you loved us enough to send Jesus to die in my place, and in my son's place on the cross. You have allowed us to remain on this Earth where pain and suffering will touch our lives. Until you take us to be with you, I will praise you. You alone,God, are holy. Thank you for helping Joshua today.
I praise you in the name of Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior,

"Belief in a future home beyond this one should affect more than how we die. It should also affect how we LIVE!"--Phillip Yancy

Just Thinkin',



A Gentle Answer Ministries (Proverbs 15:1)

A Gentle Answer Ministries (Proverbs 15:1)
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