Dear Butter,
You have made me feel bad for the last time! (Well...til Christmas Cookies with Buttercream frosting anyway)
We have been through a lot together. The moments with "Alfredo", the gravies, the pie crusts! I remember the tender pats when no one was looking; mostly on my baked potato!
I often had to clarify my love for you to others...no wait...I clarified you...my bad.
Alas, I did love the way you melted when ever I came around (the stove)...but you must have known...I was just using you, to make myself feel better...well, and my cookies taste fabulous.
I know this is hard to understand...like you are when I put you in the freezer...so I must allow you to set out for awhile ..to soften ...this news!!! Here it is: You kind of...well...make me fat!!! So, I have to draw the line. I am breaking up with you.
I'm seeing a therapist who thinks you are bad for me....okay, so really...I watched "The Biggest Loser" and they want you out of my life.
For now,
I must "omit" (if desired) all connections to you...don't send your cousin from Land O Lakes or Miss Margarine to try and butter me up to let you back in. Maybe someday...(I hope it is by Christmas) we can just be casual friends. I will be able to look at you with out being "renedered" speechless. Please, please know...It didn't matter if you were salted or unsalted...you added flavor to our time together. You were often more "cultured" than your neighbor Olive, Olive Oil, but spending time around her makes me think...I can do better for myself with less of you. There will be days when I am crying over the stove thinking, "I Can't Beleive It's Not Butter"...but this too shall pass.
So, Dear Dear Butter,
I will miss you...but mostly just the way you made sugar into toffee!!!
Love,
Kathy
P.S. Tell Paula Dean...she can have you now!!!
